As a parent, your goal is to take the best care possible of your kids and protect them from whatever harm may come their way in the digital world. But there’s one device I have little access to, especially now that my child is a teen: his phone.
This brings us to the conflicting question: Should parents read their children’s text messages, or should they leave them alone? My research in both cases raised some valid points, which I decided to share with you so that you could make an informed decision.
Pros of Reading Child’s Text Messages
There are several good reasons why parents should monitor kid’s text messages, which could include the following:
- Protect Them from Cyberbullying
In the past, all bullying incidents took place on the school grounds. Now, the Internet has evolved very much, and bullying has increased its reach even more. An average of 59% of teenagers have been bullied online, a scary 20% of them even contemplating suicide as a result. By reading your child’s online texts, you can prevent cyberbullying from creating extensive damage, protecting them from potential harm.
- You Prevent Harmful Behavior
The digital world is big, and you never know what your kid has been up to. According to data, one in four teenagers sent a “sext,” with the behavior still on the rise. The worst part is that you never know who they engaged in that activity with. It could be someone their own age, or it could be with someone twice their age. Aside from sexting, they could fall victim to things such as:
- Grooming
- Pressure to engage in risky behavior
- Impersonation
Surveys show that 1 in 6 men admit to having inappropriate feelings towards children and teenagers. They would also recruit them through inconspicuous methods that only adults could catch when they read child’s text messages.
- It Lets You Gauge Their Responsibility Levels
Kids can say and do anything in your presence to prove that they are responsible enough. To give an example, my wife and I once wanted to leave our son by himself for the night since we believed he was at an age where he was responsible.
At that point, we had a spy app installed on his phone for quite some time and saw him texting his friends about throwing a party. We threw a dent in their plans by “suddenly” deciding to stay home, but it just showed us that he’s not yet old enough to ease the restrictions.
- It Prevents Scamming
You may have the smartest kid in class, but that does not mean they’re all-knowing. Phishing scams are becoming more believable than ever, and while your child may be book-smart, they may not be world-smart. They may not know what information should be public and which one should be private.
By reading child’s text messages, you should be able to catch these moments of inattention before they become truly damaging for you.
Cons for Monitoring a Child’s Text Messages
Nowadays, around 53% of kids get a smartphone by the time they reach the age of 11, so naturally, mine has one, too. It’s a good idea because, this way, I can call him whenever I need some peace of mind about where he is. But kids are not always truthful, and with the unlimited texting methods going on, he could be texting anyone: good or bad.
So, should I read my child’s text messages? Plenty of points support that idea, especially if they are underage. However, there are still a few disadvantages to reading your child’s texts. This can include the following:
- Undermines Their Confidence
As your kid keeps growing, it’s important to take away some of the boundaries that you set for them so that they can mature. While you can easily get away with reading your child’s texts when they are 10, the same thing cannot be said about when they are 16, for example.
I know they’ll “always be your child,” but you must show that you believe in their ability to make a good decision. In turn, this can increase the confidence they have in themselves since they have your trust.
- Rebellious Behavior
You might think that keeping them under control will prevent them from acting out, but this parenting style could have the opposite effect. Strict parenting often leads to children showing rebellious behavior as they attempt to assert their independence.
Parents read text messages all the time, but should the child discover what you are doing, things could easily blow out of proportion. To get out of that “shadow,” they can begin lying about where they are, socializing with those you don’t approve of, or leaving their phone at home so they can’t be tracked.
- Risk of Estrangement
Your child is now underage, so you figure you have a good reason to put a leash on who they are talking to or what they are doing. However, once a parent starts doing this, it can be difficult to kick the habit even as the child reaches adulthood.
Moreover, children often remember this, and once they find the opportunity to leave your control, they’ll likely jump on it. Strict control from the parent is one of the leading causes of family estrangement, and if they find out you’ve been reading their texts, you may just be pushing them away.
- It Sends a Negative Message
If you are a child and know for a fact that the answer to “Can parents see your texts?” is yes, it sends a message that they don’t trust you. If you are a parent, you can get apps that run in the background, but the Internet makes it easy for kids to find a spy app.
Unless you use a good-quality program, it can give the wrong impression that you don’t trust them – especially if they follow your rules and behave respectfully.
Conclusion
In the end, there are some very good reasons to read your child’s texts, but you should also weigh the risks. If you decide to take a peek now and again, you should be honest with your child. Show them that you trust their decisions, but get them to understand that seeing their messages when needed is part of the deal when owning a phone.
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